Customer Relationship Marketing
Ernan Roman Direct Marketing guarantees double-digit response rates using consensual opt-in customer relationship marketing solutions, customer relationship management and creating integrated marketing solutions
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Issue No. 15   SUBSCRIBE » CONTACT US »
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  INSIGHTS FROM ERNAN
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Summertime Funnies

Since we are in the dog days of summer, I thought we should take a break from our serious articles and have some fun.

I asked readers to submit humorous stories / video clips relating to the two consistent themes of our newsletter:

  • Marketers’ distance / disconnect from their customers’ needs and preferences
  • Horrendous “customer service.”

BTW, Yahoo News covered our 7 Point Customer Service Bill of Rights. To read the story, click here.

With many thanks to our band of Merry Pranksters who submitted these clips and quotes; Joel Raphael, Yvonne Brandon, John Hines, Elias Roman, Barry Faber and Bruce Thompson.

You will laugh (and weep) when you see the following.

To read previous newsletters, click here.

Hope you enjoy the rest of your summer.

Ernan

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Hilarious Clips and Quotes
 

I. Clueless Marketers

Here are some funnies illustrating how clueless we can be regarding our customer’s needs...and how clueless our customer’s can sometimes be.

  • Clueless in Marketing Land click here
  • Confusing Customer’s with Corporate Name Changes click here
  • True story from a sophisticated marketer of Educational Travel Programs

    “We create and market educational travel programs for high achieving high school students. Some years ago, on arrival day, we received a distressed call from our staff member who was responsible for picking up arriving students at the airport.

    She said that one of our students appeared to be well into his 40's, certainly not fitting the mold of the typical high school student. But there he was, name badge proudly pinned to his chest and arrival details in hand, trying to board the shuttle bus to the conference site, insisting that he was the student.

    Some quick phone calls to the student's home and school determined that our real student was sitting in class back home. It turns out that there was a last minute issue that precluded the student from attending. Our impostor turned out to be a very very determined father, under orders from an even more determined mother, who wanted to make sure that their investment in the program was not totally lost. Mom put Dad on the plane and told him to attend and take very, very good notes! The plan had some obvious weaknesses, not the least of which was that Dad did not speak a word of English!”
  • An Epitaph for E-mail Marketers

    “There have been many, many times when I may have
    disturbed you,
    troubled you,
    pestered you,
    irritated you,
    bugged you or got on your nerves with all the emails I send,
    So today I just want to tell you that...

    I PLAN TO CONTINUE”

II. “Customer Service”

Enjoy these gems:
  • Outsourcing click here
  • Comcast Technician Sleeping on My Couch click here
  • Canceling AOL click here
  • Airline Service: Comments submitted by travelers to Zagat:
    • "Only an hour behind schedule and didn't crash – lived up to my expectations."
    • "The uncomfortable served the inedible by the indifferent."
    • "Need air marshals to protect passengers from crew."
    • "'I'm sorry, sir, but we've discontinued legroom.'"
    • "Best of the big full-service carriers, or in other words, the cream of the cr*p."
    • "'Shut up, we get you there' could be their slogan."
    • "Nothing left to vote on – no food, no snacks, no pillows, no movies, no audio, no nothing."
    • “Challenging log-in, difficult ticketing, rude gate agents, wretched food and contortionist seating – what’s not to like?”
    • "This is why the pope kisses the ground every time he deplanes."
  • Calling 911 for help... click here
  • It’s a Boy click here

III. The Life Cycle of Projects

Please click here to view a larger image.

Project Lifeline

Well there you have it! Hope you had a good laugh.

 
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